Accomplished Exhaustion

Guys. I am EXHAUSTED. 

Yesterday I definitely thought I was going to die of exhaustion, I have barely slept, my schedules are crazy and on top of that I can feel little germs trying to invade my blood and my nostril tubes and get me sick and I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR GERMS RIGHT NOW. (Obviously science wasn’t my best subject).

Anyway, my point is that I feel exhausted – but I also feel accomplished. 

This past weekend was insane. There wasn’t time to take a break to think, because once one task was done, it was on to the next. Sunday came along and it was the busiest day yet, but for some reason the day I seemed to have the most time to think. 

Here I was, sitting at the red carpet event for the Oscars. Me. WHAT? How is that even possible? How did I finagle my way in here? Two thoughts were going through my head all day. 

1. “Wow Mallory, you do not belong here. Be on your best behavior. Don’t be too loud. Be professional (still haven’t figured out if I’m good at that or not by the way). Jordan Peele doesn’t care if you make yourself laugh, Meryl Streep doesn’t care if you want her to tuck you in at night.”
2. “I don’t know what I did to get here but THIS IS WHERE I BELONG. I don’t imagine life being any different. I’m about to be best friends with Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolf and we are about to create amazing content with Jordan Peele and Meryl Streep is going to love us so much that we meet often for brunch and then she’ll tuck us all in for a nap after some good tacos… sushi… pizza? All 3???

(That was me day dreaming… give me a few years though and let’s see how much of it is right). 

Imagine playing pinball. When the ball gets stuck and just constantly bounces from one side to the other – that’s how my insides felt all day. The ball represents my emotions and my adrenaline. I was all over the place. My mind was blown. I was amazed. I was speechless. I was thankful and appreciative. I was soaking in everything because the feeling that I was feeling was indescribable. I can’t find words that would do it justice. 

The feeling of being somewhere you’ve always dreamt of, but never imagined actually being there… that’s remarkable. Knowing I am going down a path that is still unknown, but headed in the direction were my wildest dreams lay is so freaking CRAZY TO ME. I have no idea what I’m doing still but I can smell something brewing and I’m P.U.M.P.E.D! And I am READY TO GO. (When stuff is in all caps I just want you to know I’m literally yelling at you).

I feel like I’m on a life high and I’m never coming down. 

I want to put the Oscars into a perspective that not everyone understands. I’m not trying to tell you what you do and don’t understand, but I know that even after spending a summer in Hollywood, I didn’t understand and fully grasp the industry then, compared to how I do now. 

The Oscar’s, and the industry in general, is about creating something that we all dream about. A lot of outsiders looking in don’t pay attention to the passion, determination and love that these filmmakers have. Some people believe that people dream of fame and money (of course there are those people), but there are so many more people who are creating these good films because they are doing the work and putting in the time to literally chase their dreams and put them onto paper, into videos, scripts, etc.

We all spend our time daydreaming and painting pictures into our heads whether we are awake or asleep. Well, the entire point of the industry is to do that – then share it with the world. 

THAT IS SO FREAKING COOL.

Sharing your wildest imaginations with a world that believes in you, accepts you and continuously pushes you to chase the impossible. Sure, there are nasty people who aren’t in it for the right reasons and there will always be negative aspects that we could talk about, but when you love something so much all of the positive outweighs the negative, therefore creating a positive mindset, lifestyle and energy for yourself throughout life. That’s the real goal. Being truly happy and positive.

After the red carpet event I had the opportunity to go into a theatre to watch a showing of the ceremony at a dinner party. I have NEVER watched the Oscars like I did Sunday. I was engaged, rooting for movies that I never even would’ve watched before, and appreciating the passion that was put behind each edit, performance, idea, etc. 

I sat in my seat watching the Oscars, seeing people in the crowd that I’ve had the pleasure not only meeting, but having conversations with. I watched the 90th Academy Awards this year watching my friends walk across the stage to help present awards. The same people that I catch Happy Hour with, collaborate with and overall enjoy being with.  WHAT IN THE WORLD?! At first I was like wow, look at us. Then I was like, WOW… LOOOOOOK AAAAT UUUSSS.

I said all of that ^^^ to the friend I was sitting next to, and then a few moments lately we both looked at each other and we were like, “holy lawd almighty did those words just come out of our mouths?!” 

This life high is just unbelievable and I wish, hope and pray everyone follows their dreams and believes in themselves. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions and struggles, but man it’s so worth it. I promise you. I feel like I’m on top of the world and I haven’t even done anything yet but I know I’m chasing and I will continue chasing. The chase is fun. 

I am SHOOK. 

A lot of people who are messaging me or commenting on my posts say, “You deserve this Mallory, this is what you’ve worked so hard for,” and I personally don’t feel like I’ve worked hard enough. More than often I believe I’m not good enough for the tasks that I am given. I feel like I don’t have the skill set, no one is going to like me, I’m not prepared enough, etc., but then I see all of the support and encouragement from everyone back at home, school, work, and it just makes me so happy and motivates me so much because I have such a strong support system that reminds me I haven’t gotten this far for no reason.

So to all you that read my posts, message me, comment to me, and check up on me – thank you. I appreciate all of the endless love I get from everyone whether we are best friends, acquaintances or strangers. It all means so much and it really picks me up when I’m down and helps me get through the good times and the bad. YOU DA BOMB.

I also am just so thankful for all of my experiences in life, good and bad. Every person who has entered my life. Every opportunity that has came my way. Every memory I have made. Every lesson I have learned (not math or science, I ain’t sorry) (still love the teachers though).

I don’t even know if I gave everyone the information they wanted to know about my experience Sunday but that’s all I can think of right now because it was so much more than just being at a big, fancy event. I know you guys probably want to know who I saw and what they were wearing but honestly name dropping just doesn’t do justice for the impact this event had on me. I just kept picturing myself getting interviewed on the red carpet in a onesie HAHA. Not joking… ONE DAY I WILL BE IN A ONESIE AT THE OSCARS. Being comfortable. Being me. 

 

I hope you all feel the same feeling that I am feeling, whether you’re a dentist, salesman, parent, surgeon, lawyer, performer, teacher, firefighter, etc. Everyone deserves it. Do what you’re passionate about and keep chasing it. 

Ahh, if I missed something I apologize. Feel free to ask me about it! I hope you all have a beautiful day ❤ 

P.S. I got so excited at one point that I broke the top part of my outfit from being too crazy. No need to fear though, I kept the girls contained!! 

-Mallory-