I’m torn between wanting to acknowledge this day for someone who ALWAYS deserves acknowledging, and not wanting to celebrate the day someone so dear was aggressively torn away from everyone they love.
But is that selfish of me? To not want to acknowledge the day that someone else took the life of our loved one?
“Hey, this was the day my Pooh was murdered!”
Like it’s something to show off?
Each year this day effects me differently. This year I didn’t want to acknowledge it. Publicly, at least. I didn’t want to give anyone any type of credit for the horrid act they partook in 15 years ago to date.
But I also can’t believe it’s been 15 years – and I don’t want to not acknowledge a life that was so incredibly unsurpassable. But know that as I type this, I cannot rid the anger I have. Because when I think of this day, I don’t just think of my dad. I think of the entire event. I think of those involved. And I DESPISE giving them any acknowledgement.
August 19th, every.single.year, is a day so many people are force to relive the moment they received a heart shattering phone call.
There’s so many other memories, laughs, random flashbacks, and conversations to reminisce on. I’m angry at those that contributed to August 19th being one hell of a reminder.
I enjoy my reminiscing a lot. It’s something I look forward to. How dare them have a part of my reminiscing.
That’s how I’m feeling today.
Thanks for reading.
To my Pooh,
Although it’s been 15 years – the guidance only becomes stronger. (I’m sure my mother loves that). I aspire to live life as free as you did. I aspire to touch people like you did. I aspire to use all of my skills and knowledge for the betterment of my life, and make decisions that add to my longevity – because Lord knows if things would’ve been different you would’ve been here giving everyone something to think about. Your longevity was crucial to so many people’s sense of esoteric awareness and desire in life.
I want to be here long enough to give the people something to think about. And I’ll enjoy all of it, too.
I feel you, xx –
Mal
Inside Mallory's Brain 
You are such a gift to this world for so many reasons. I love you Mallory and I am so sorry that you will forever have to reminisce over such a horrific event in your life. Continue to hold on to your beautiful memories of your dad.
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❤ Radena you make my heart smile!
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